Who wants to see a bunch of regular mormons on TV? It's not like watching Big Love (which by the way was awesome this past Sunday- will talk about that momentarily.) Big Love is controversial, a church backed LDS TV show will not show anything that is of interest to the non-mormon world. They won't show the infamous temple scene that was shown on Big Love this week.
Speaking of- my jaw about hit the floor when I saw Barb in the temple in all her temple garb. Oh it was fucking sweet! Sorry for the F bomb, but since I first decided to start researching my doubts on the LDS church, I have been dying to see an accurate depiction of the temple endowment ceremony. While what was shown on Big Love is I'm sure as accurate as possible given the other descriptions and testimonials I've read on the internet, I know that there is more involved than just what was shown. I was just excited to see Barb wearing all the white and the green apron and the men with their bakers caps.
Having been sealed to my parents at age 15, I was one of the rare few young people who were able to see an endowed member wearing their full temple get up (and I now wonder if I should have been allowed to see them, but glad I did). Now, this is where the first doubts are placed in my head about the religion.... So we arrive at the temple, go in and I get changed into an all white gown. Nothing strange here. At this point, I had done baptisms for the dead, so I knew that everyone wore white, no biggie. My mom leaves me in this room and I will never forget what she said next: "When you see us, don't laugh." I'm thinking to myself- why would she say that? So I'm sitting for a long time in this room waiting for my parents when this old lady finally takes me to a sealing room. The sealing room had been described to me and I knew what to expect here- fairly standard- mirrored room representing eternity, alter in the middle. So in walks Mom- last time I saw her she looked like this:
Now she and my dad walk in and look like this:
Not to mention that my entire life and still today- they walk around the house in these:
Oh yes, the magical underwear. I have always, ALWAYS been super embarrassed to see my parents walking around in these. Hello?!!! I can see your bush, Dad's package and both off your ass cracks right through that thin shit! (ok- I didn't say it exactly like that-but close) To which my mother in all her mormon modesty wisdom would respond- I'm more covered up than someone that is wearing a bikini on the beach. Um, okay- do we really want to compare the two? If someone was wearing a white, see through material bikini- maybe, but um, no. I'm beginning to think that my psyche was rejecting the idea of mormonism from a very early age. I never wanted to bear any testimony, I never wanted my friends to come to church with me. Once I was a teen, we moved to a ward where there was a large youth group and that was fun for a while- temple trips, etc. It was fun until we all got a little older and started to be forced into going to 7am or earlier seminary. For those of you that don't know- seminary is basically like a bible/book of mormon study group for high school aged kids. Yeah, me and my friends hung out in the bathroom, then would leave and ride around town smoking cigarettes until school started. Ah, to be young. Once the goody-goody barrier had been broken, I believe there was no turning back. I realized there was a whole world out there that allowed you to think on your own. What an awesome feeling it is to be able to see that there are truly 2 sides to every story. That it is not always a "either you're with us or against us" scenario. Another great thing that my mother told me- "either you believe it all or you don't" "either you believe in joseph smith, or you don't believe in the church at all" and "you can't pick and choose what you like and don't like about the church, you either believe it all or you don't".
How about I don't.
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