so i think i'm crazy

Or cynical, or I don't know.
Maybe there's something wrong with me, and everyone else that I think is faking a perfect existence isn't.
Maybe everyone is just doing the best they can.
Maybe I'm jealous.

Ok, so I am totally one of the nicest people that you will ever meet. I know it doesn't seem that way from my previous blogs, but I am. I just really dislike fakeness and really dislike the mormon church or more accurately- how the mormon church makes people act. Crazy as it is- most of my life is surrounded with either mormons or fake people or both. HA.

I'm trying to actively be positive, but it is rather cathartic to get out my inner anger on this blog, so I'm sure it will come out. lol

I think part of my problem at the moment is that I have been off work for too long. I took an extended amount of time off- like 7 days in a row. Being a nurse, I can take off that many days and not use any vacation, which is nice. After day 3 though, I really start to get antsy. I'm entirely ready to go back to work. Luckily this time, they called me in on about day 3 I believe, so that helped me keep my sanity. Why take off that long if it makes you crazy- you might ask- well, because work has been so crazy here lately. Extremely needy patients, asshole family types, slacker co-workers, 8 pts to 1 nurse (not safe by the way), so 7 days off in a row seemed like a good thing to do. So in my days off, being as bored as I have been, I have actually started looking into some PRN (as needed) work. It is awesome on a bad week to only have to work 3 days, but the majority of working Americans don't have that luxury and until I became a nurse, neither did I. I worked 5-6 days per week. As I mentioned before I live in rural America, so the prospects of PRN work are slim. The hospital I currently work for doesn't even have PRN nurses. I was pleasantly surprised at the pay I would receive to work PRN at a hospital approximately 45 minutes from my house. It would be $6.30 more on the hour than what I make now, so that's pretty good. We shall see I suppose.

I've only recently graduated nursing school in the past year, so I'm still trying to find my way. I see all these jobs posted at my current hospital and think- wow- I'd love to do that, but at the same time my logical side is telling me to stay on the med/surg/tele floor and get more experience, maybe do some charge, then move on. I keep thinking- Oh, gosh, those jobs won't be there again when I know that they will. That's the great thing about nursing- there are a lot of older nurses retiring opening up jobs- then new nurses that come in and take the jobs like I have. There are a couple of nurses on my floor that have worked med/surg for like 20 years. I do not see how people do that. I am dying to get myself in the surgical world. The first time I saw a surgery in nursing school, I was hooked. I really should have gone to med school and became a surgeon, seriously. If I'm reincarnated (we'll talk about that in length in another blog), I would love to come back as a world renowned cardiothoracic surgeon. Man, that would be awesome.

Ok- had to pause. Chelsea Lately is on. LOVE HER. Watch it.

Wow. I feel so much better now that I've blogged. Good times. Catcha later. :)